I walk towards your altar and stand with my brothers in a line.
Each step bringing us deeper into the chorus.
“Miserere mei, Deus, secundus magnum misericordia tuam“.
Have mercy upon me, O God, after thy great goodness.
In turn, I kneel down before the altar,
bowing my head and mouthing the words along with the Father
“You are but dust and to dust you shall return.”
He takes his thumb and marks my head with ashes
a visual reminder of the truth I now understand.
I have not loved. I have not been patient. I have not spoken truth.
I am but dust, and to dust I shall return.
At this altar, I have been forced to confront my own reflection
and to face the ashes and dirt I have tried too long to hide.

And as I resign myself to a prison of isolation,
I am invited to feast on your own flesh.
But I have seen who I am and the glory that You are.
And I am hesitant to approach you-
to be near one so Holy- so fully other than who I know myself to be
Still like a magnet attracted to it’s opposite,
I am compelled forward towards the altar once again.
Stepping between the ranks of your saints pouring water into my thirsty soul.
“The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: long-suffering and of great goodness.”
Their words are slow to seep in, so they repeat them over and over again.
“The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: long suffering and of great goodness.
“The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: long suffering and of great goodness.
Yes! “The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: long suffering and of great goodness.”
And as they reach their final forte, I fall to my knees
and the mercy I have been withstanding washes into me.
Head bowed and hands open, I can do nothing but receive.
If you are willing Lord, you can make me clean.

Bread is placed in my hands but I dare not look up.
I simply raise what is offered to my starved lips.
“This is the body of Christ broken for you.”
And I eat of it.
The cup is raised to my mouth and I taste of the wine.
“The blood of Christ spilled for you.”
I taste the bittersweet mercy of your broken body
miraculously making me whole.
I feel the blood you shed wash over my ashes
replacing them with new life.
And I stand knowing that I am yours and yours alone.
This wretched sinner whom you have called your own-
No longer made of ashes but an eternal soul.