Okay,y’all. I need your help. Below you will find an excerpt from the (children’s) novel I’m working on. It’s a scene I’ve been playing with for a while, and simply can’t figure out how to make the *stomp* part work in print. So, I would love and appreciate your input and ideas on how to best convey what I see and hear in my head. This is group effort, so y’all chime in.
Tonight, it was the Gehimni people who were given the honor of entertaining. More than twenty Gehimni men and women ran around the fire, hollering and making noise. It snowed in the Gehimnis for nine months out of the year, and so most of the bed had long beards that covered the majority of their face, and the women wore long skirts made of animal skin with all kinds of braids strung about in their hair. Suddenly, the Gehimini performers stopped running around the fire, and the women took their spots in a circle on the ground. A man began to strum a mandolin, as the others began to stomp their feet to his rhythm. The men threw their knees high up in the air only to bring their smashing back down with the force of a ten horses. Each of the Gehmini men fell in sync with one another until one man threw his head back and howled at the top of his lungs, Ooooooooooooohhhh, and the other men followed his lead.
I’ve seen the mountain tops and I’ve gaped at the sea,
but never has this wanderer beheld a beauty such as thee.
I’d scale the mountains tops and sail across the sea,
if you’d be waiting for me with a white dress and a ring.
Yer nose is as pointy as the snowy peaks,
and yer eyes are more emerald than the evergreen.
I know I ain’t much to look at, my darling sweet,
but I got heart a gold somewhere underneath.
My heart when it saw you went *stomp stomp stomp*
And my lips started singing this horrid song.
But my dear please know that if you love me so,
I’ll sing this song to you until we’re grey and old.
I’ve got a house here in these woods, I bet yer Papa would be proud.
‘Gotta fireplace and a porch that goes all around,
but I’m stilling miss something, perhaps a spritely frau.
So what do ye say, will ye marry me now?
The women sitting on the edge of the crowd jumped up and joined arms with the men, and together they danced a polka around the fire. They weren’t the best of singers, but that didn’t stop every single man and woman from singing, or rather yelling, at the top of his or her lungs. If only they would sing on key, they’d be quite good. The entire camp was mesmerized by them, and they joined in with the stomping and clapping with just as much vigor as if they had known the songs their entire lives.
Darlin’ let me dance with you until this night ends.
Yes, come a little closer. I don’t mind those hairs on yer chin.
Yer back is strong from plowing and I sure do love yer apple pie.
Oh, you’re the only woman who could ever catch my eye.
My heart when it saw you went *stomp stomp stomp*
And my lips started singing this horrid song
But my dear please know that if you love me so
I’ll sing this song to you until we’re grey and old.
Yes, I’ll sing this song to you until we’re grey and old.
Also, would English speaking children know what a “frau” is? Can I use that word in a “fantasy” novel? Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?
rebekah.eckard 