Have you ever felt like the Lord gave you a dream, or a passion to do something, and you’re all in.

“Yes Father. Let’s do this. I’m ready. Pick me.”

You can see the finish line, “the promised land” if you will, and you know you can make it there. And then everything goes wrong, and you feel as if you’ve been teleported to a place 576 miles from where you were before, and it’s 576 miles in the wrong direction. When the Israelites sent spies into the Promised Land, it must have felt so close. They were finally ready to cash in on the Lord’s promise after all this time. But then the spies came back and they were afraid of the people groups already in the Land. And they feared these men more than they trusted the Lord who had brought them out of Egypt. Just like that, the Promise was taken from them, and they wandered in the wasteland for forty more year. That’s how I feel sometimes, you know? I begin to doubt what I know to be true about The Lord and who He is. And so I come before Him and boldly ask, “What are you doing here, Father?”

A Psalm of Lament 

You gave me visions of honey;
By your hand have I tasted the sweetness of freedom.
I danced for joy and sang your praises
sweet praises to Yahweh for his faithful love.

We walked across this empty space together
this place of eager expectation;
And you showed me all that you had promised.
Yes,on the other bank laid all that I had longed for.
Across the river you pointed out of the wealth
of this land flowing with milk and honey.
My hand grasped at all that I saw;
my mouth watered for what would soon be mine.

But then we turned to wander in the wasteland,
and You led me away from what my soul desired.
Why, oh Lord, do you torment me so?
Why, faithful Yahweh, do you taunt me?
Did you bring me out to the desert to die?
Will I wander here for the rest of my life?
Is 40 years my punishment?
Was this in your plan all along?
Was what I saw only a mirage?
Or will I ever taste of what I have seen?

{pause and remember}

Still, I have followed you across this desert,
and I will follow you through it once again.
You, oh Lord, are my guiding light;
Without you I know not which foot to step with next.
And should I wander in this waiting land with you forever,
It will be enough.
You, oh Lord, are far more glorious;
You are worth more to me than all riches and pleasures.
This waste land has become an oasis in your presence;
And out of rocks, you have brought fresh water.
You have provided the manna.
You have provided with your presence.
And You are enough.

     Occasionally on the blog, I’ll post a throwback and recycle some things I have written in the past. I have a short story that’s in the final editing process that is brand-stinkin-new. But since it’s not ready to share with the world yet, I wanted to share this work instead. It serves as the inspiration for a song that I’m going to collaborate on with a friend next week (she has the most amazing voice ever, so I’m so excited to work with her!) 

      This piece is a Psalm of Praise that I wrote for a seminary class this past spring.  It stands as one of the most influential classes I have ever taken. It is the class that got me to start writing again and reminded me that it’s never actually about us or what we create, but instead about the God to whom we give glory. 

Without further delay:

I will sing joyously for You, my God, are constant;
truly I love You because you are near.
Your hand will sustain me as long as I live,
from the deepest valleys You will lift me up.
Though I grow weary, You do not;
Surely You will watch over me and protect me all of my days.
I can breathe, for I know You have ordained this day,
before I awoke, You knew what lay before me.
Surely blessings and goodness await me
for You are loyal and kind to your children.
and You delight in their presence.

Be not far from me, O mighty King.
for though I am simple in mind,
my hope is ever with You.
If You are not with me, I will surely faint,
but if You will go with me, I will conquer armies by Your hand
and Your name shall go forth from this place.
Yes Lord, though the enemy is encamped nearby
I will raise a battle cry of joy.
To the mountains and through deep valleys, it shall be heard
calling those who fear You to come forth.

Together we shall stand before the camp and sing,
“Holy and True is our King.
His faithful love will never leave us.
His strong hand will be our help this day and all the days to come.
Take courage, for he is not a King who remains in His palace.
This very day, He will ride before us into battle;
All who stand against us, fear His name.
for He will not let his children be put to shame.”